your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
