Me. At least after what I've been through.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
