I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Randomize
