I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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