So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
