Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
