If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
