The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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