I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
