It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
