K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We had to coat check the pizza.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
