i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
