I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
