I just cut my nipple shaving
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
