is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
