He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
