She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
