she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
