drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
