So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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