I looked at my own cervix.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
