Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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