Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
