this beer tastes like vomit already
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have tasted many bathrooms
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
