I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
