apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
