Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
