i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
