you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
