its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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