at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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