How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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