he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
