smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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