Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your cock deserves a montage
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
