Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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