There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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