I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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