Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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