Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
