I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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