I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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