I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
