His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
