Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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