You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
