dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
