You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
