So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
