before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
