so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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