Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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